The Quiet Power of I Could Be Wrong
No one has ever been shouted into changing their mind, but plenty have been invited.
There is a myth that admitting doubt weakens your position. In real conversation, the opposite tends to be true. The moment you say “I could be wrong about this,” the person across from you has less to push against.
Why it works
When we feel attacked, we defend. Defending means digging in, and people who are digging in have stopped thinking. Saying you could be wrong removes the threat. It tells the other person that this is a shared search and not a contest.
Oddly, that often makes them more willing to admit their own doubts. Honesty is contagious.
How to mean it
This only works if it is true, so here is a useful practice. Before a hard talk, ask yourself:
- What is the strongest thing the other side would say?
- What would I need to see to change my mind?
- Is there anything here I have just assumed?
If you can answer those, your humility is real, and your confidence is better earned too.
What it does not mean
It does not mean you have no convictions. You can hold firm values and still be unsure about the facts, the details or how things will turn out. Some matters of right and wrong are not up for grabs. Most disagreements at a kitchen table are about something less grand than that.
It takes a secure person to say these words. It is one of the reasons we admire the people who do.