Disagreeing at Work Without Making an Enemy

You will spend more waking hours with your coworkers than with most of your family, so it pays to fight fair.

Good teams disagree all the time. Bad teams do it in the parking lot afterward. The skill is learning to bring it into the room in a way that makes the work better and leaves people willing to sit beside you tomorrow.

Before the meeting

If it is a big disagreement, talk to the person privately first. Nobody likes being surprised in front of the boss. “I have some concerns about the schedule, and I wanted to run them by you first” goes a long way.

In the room

• Start with what you agree on. “I think we both want this shipped by spring.”
• Ask before you assert. “How are you thinking about the staffing piece?”
• Talk about the idea, not the person. “This plan may run short on budget” is much better than “you didn’t think about the budget.”
• Own your opinion. Say “I’m worried” rather than “everyone thinks.”

If you lose the argument

Say so and commit. Nothing builds trust faster than a colleague who argued hard and then helped the decision succeed. Keep your notes, and let the results speak for themselves.

If someone comes at you

Stay slow. Try: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” The question gives you a few seconds to breathe and gives them a chance to come down.

Work disagreements are practice for everything else. Do them well here and it gets easier at the table, on the sideline and over the fence.